would you mind if i used you . . . simply as an excuse
to put my life into the order that i’d always wanted it to have
but could never find a reason for doing . . .
until i hit upon the idea of you . . . as an excuse
i’ve never met an excuse as good as you,
and that’s easy to say because i still haven’t actually met you,
which is why you’ll make such a fantastic excuse . . .
no two humans will ever find perfect balance
(we can get close)
but perfection is only that thing which we aim at,
in order that we might pursue
that which we truly desire
in my world, you’re far more phantom than flesh . . .
which makes it easy to idealize,
which makes it easy to dream,
you’re not here in any way which would allow you to deeply complicate the idle fantasies of some happy ending which i’ve always had a tough time believing in anyway, but can’t quite seem to abandon –
you’re perfect, just the way you are . . .
and i’d love to believe that i could continue to believe that even after i’d met you,
- as an aside, i’d gleefully spend hundreds of dollars right this very minute, travel countless hundreds of miles, just so that i might sit down and have a cup of coffee with you, if only to see if sparks could be cast to live in the fragile air, if only to be proved wrong – one - more - time –
i’d love to believe that you really are perfect . . .
i’d love to believe that destiny finally called . . .
to be alive you have believe that you’ll recognize the signs when they try to summon you
to be alive you have to believe that there is something at least slightly special about you
at any rate, i have to . . .
and i’d really like to believe in you . . .
it will make tomorrow easier,
it will make my life better,
because even if you are not she . . .
you’ve still encouraged me to believe that there are intelligent creatures out there . . .
i’ve loved and lost . . .
and know that i’m better man for having loved,
despite the foolishness that such behavior has enticed me towards –
perhaps because of the foolishness that such behavior has drawn me into –
at any rate, before that last beer made its presence felt, i did have a point . . .
and that was you an as excuse –
of which you make a damn fine one,
thank you for that,
i’m about to publish another piece of the puzzle
a work that i can claim
(until my dying day)
is dedicated simply to woman as an idealized abstract
so,
unless you let the secret spill,
only you will ever know
that it was written just for you . . .
not like this was ever going to be famous
or profound,
but it’s my Friday evening
and i’ll do with it what i want
and i wanted to put forth
some small homage
to you
even if you’re still just an idealized abstract
or a convenient excuse
forcing me to continue
to try to be better
than i currently am