Your father was the first one to greet me — we drove up into Roger and Bonnie’s driveway on that first Easter visit and he ran out to the car immediately. He hugged Jill and opened up the passenger seat to say hi… my cigarettes were in front of the car, he made sure to razz me about them — right up front. He remains my favorite uncle of Jill’s… warm, honest, brave and gracious.

For many years I looked for a God who was knowable and not of my own making (or anyone else’s.) At times it feels like that remains a tough business. As a student, I became deeply interested in finding rational proofs so that I could be sure enough to go around convincing others… I searched for a source of order, a way to firm up what little faith I had. In those days I started to think I was even good at doing that. I enjoyed arguing with people back then, making my case — I could even be pretty obnoxious.

As I look back, though, during that season I saw God as an object. A thing, a concept, a thought projection, a force, The Fact. Although I had grown up hearing Bible stories that made God sound like a person… at times angry, jealous, impatient, passionate… I felt no sense of relational connection. It was up to me to find God with certainty and to be able to tell others so that they could be certain That He Was, as well. I thought little about who God was.

I guess these days I understand God to be a person… certainly better than most persons I’ve known… but never anything less. It is a mysterious and often fitful journey indeed… filled with countless questions and plenty of wrestling, anger, passion and sometimes ecstasy.

The image of prayer that you were taught — where you are surrounded by love and light is profoundly beautiful to me. May I remember that when I pray too? I am always trying to remain aware of how God wants me to experience him/her in new ways.

Randy