This right here is a suggestion for the starting of a phenomenal organization…

It’s a lovely little club, in that it will allow you to be as inclusive or exclusive as you like, but the very best part is that you can pretend to be highly intellectual while in fact it’s just an excellent excuse to experiment in states far from sobriety.

Step one, acquire a copy of Finnegans Wake

Step two, gather several friends; three person minimum

Step three, (optional; but strongly suggested, as it tends to
help w/ step four)

drink to the point where
your words
are
slightly stirred,
slurred,
and your thoughts
express themselves
with
delicious crispness…

i recommend scotch

Step four, have all present open aforementioned copy of Finnegans Wake
and read aloud for at least one full page.

Repeat steps as necessary.

If you realize that steps one and two are rather non-repeatable; step three, well step three defines a half-hour window in the course of an evening’s intoxication, and step four, well if you know The Wake, then you know what the fuck step four consists of and are already a member of a similar club or are like those who know of divinity and yet turn their backs, the point here is that it’s a ton of fun… oh yeah and if you had said realizations about the steps then you are a perfect candidate for membership in such an institution.

Welcome aboard!!! As a newly formed Satellite Group we welcome
you to the larger Organizing Body.

Now, Regarding dues.
Hehehehehehehe……
gonna make me a million damn dollars yet!

Seriously though, included are a sample set of rules.

Yeah, and if you know that it could be called the C.R.A.F.T. club,
then you know your Robbins, and I salute you.

{reference: Tom Robbins = author
C.R.A.F.T. club – ‘Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates’}

The C.R.A.F.T. Club

Purpose:
The purpose of the CRAFT club is three-fold, participants are encouraged to participate in as many purpose folds as possible, as it will make them more participant-like and help validate our purpose. Said purposes for participants are…

To consume strong beverages and discuss Finnegans Wake

To provide a memory-free forum for discussing whatever other sorts of nonsense one should feel compelled to discuss

To provide a quasi-intellectual pretence for getting twisted and acting like a twit

The Rules:

The first rule of the CRAFT club is that you can talk all you want about the CRAFT club. If you don’t mind appearing deranged and wish to damage whatever standing you may have in the community that is entirely at your discretion. You should however find that there isn’t much to say. (see rule two)

Rule Two states that, since CRAFT stands for ‘Can’t Remember A Fucking Thing,’ any members who find themselves in possession of memories of a CRAFT event will be tracked down and beaten by the other members. However since the other members should themselves be at a loss to remember anything, namely who is and is not a member, I wouldn’t worry about this one too much.

Rule Three is that any member who becomes independently wealthy because of an epiphany suffered at a CRAFT club meeting shall be required to buy a bottle of top-shelf scotch for the next meeting. However in compliance with rule two they shall of course be beaten by the other members for remembering anything in the first place, and then congratulated on their success and toasted with said bottle of scotch. We do of course realize that putting this warning in the rules will probably result in members trying to avoid compliance the rule, however we figure that any newly rich individual from our membership base is bound to be precisely the devious sort who would claim such epiphanies came to them while out disc golfing or some such just to avoid the beating, and probably good enough to buy a bottle of scotch for the club anyway. That and the logistics of enforcement are just absurd on this one, truth be told rule three can probably be summed up as ‘Top-shelf scotch is always welcome.’

The final and most important Rule of the CRAFT club is that everyone is required to read at least one full page of Finnegans Wake out loud. This will allow the rest of the assembly to laugh and nod in appreciation of the inherent genius of the thing, or in the case of those unfamiliar with the great work, to experience a growing sense of unease whilst wondering exactly what manner of lunacy they have gotten themselves into this time.

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