chapter V
[oh no you don’t!! this is an epic poem… go back and read the whole of the first, second, third and yes… even the fourth!!! parts before you go sticking yer nose in here… oh.. you’ve already read those.. well then… i’m certain you grow tired of the repition of this particular message… well then smile… because my apologies… but it is different this time…. and welcome back to….]
a flirtation with genesis
and the finite jester leaps to the futon
threateningly shaking his printed copy
of the preceding chapters
expounding upon the need
to express
now
what it is to be poetic
to press against this world
and make music with the sweat produced
in the energy conversion
that is
a mind
(at the end of its tether?)
working out the fundaments
trying to press the ineffable
in words
the place where
semantics
and
some antics
meet
and the concept of literature
is turned on its ear
as it tries to meet
and converse
with reality
there we stand
gently nudging the trimtab
when we see it
jerking off into a tissue
when we don’t
its how you dispose of the evidence
that’s the real rub
there’s a story behind that
and it will never be told
because it was simply a moment
that will echo
like the laughter echoed
when the concept of more prayer wheels
was first espoused
did we not mention
that we were lewd
r-rated
at least
click here if you are under eighteen
there was a phrase that we heard
while growing up
‘never trust anyone over 30′
it scared me the day that i passed that date
and hope that it has been lost
like so many others
tucked under the tender veil
of redefined experience
as time marches
forward
as i step sideways
finding those gateways
that exist
for those
who dare to define
their own-
once i was caught having sex in a bathroom
in a train in europe
what can i say
we were young
we exited the small compartment
to the sound of applause
my head has never been the same size since
some things will do that to you
some
others give you
others
sometimes are just found
somewhere along the way
and we will store
all of this
against
everything else
that we cannot avoid
in this juncture
of space/time
were the news comes bearing catastrophe
and madness
i came by my oddness
organically-
and i can’t help but laugh
laugh…
laugh…
why not…
all other responses
are too limiting
and forget
what we ultimately are
wearing expensive shirts
and pretending
to understand
if you figured it all out
you aren’t here
or you’re nuts
it is the people that don’t question
their reality
that scares me
question everything
don’t trust anybody
at first
just question everything
don’t be sure of the answers you find
and don’t go nuts and point a gun at anyone
because what you find frightens you
we are all frightened
this is a frightening place
being human is to know fear
being more is in conquering it
more human than human
sounds like a challenge
sounds like a reasonable excuse
for living
sounds like something that i could
spend my life trying
to find
sounds like that cause
the doomed,
overly idealistic
underdog stance
that i could get behind
if only i could find
them
so are you out there?
dare you to send a missive
i endlessly strive against the machine
and despise the man
but tomorrow i will get up
and go use my walmart gift card
at sams club
to get my family some food
tell me why i shouldn’t strive
prove me wrong
i dare you
tell anyone that their lives are futile
tell me how many friends you make
ugh…
blasted god-damn
fucking bullshit
of this time cognition
how dare you bring it up
and make it contemporary
by dragging corporate reality
into this thing i’m trying so hard
to create
i refuse to battle paris hilton
for your attention
just leave me the fuck alone
let me retreat to the hills
ultimately all i want
is a commune
in the woods
where i can be
safely oblivious
to all of this
there is a difference in hiding your head in the sand
or building a bunker
or creating a community
maybe changing the one that is here
how deep are your roots
how far are you willing to sink them
for a tree nourishes its surroundings
as much as it poisons them
it is a fundamental of what is
and all the roots touch through each other
it is impossible to not take part in the whole
yeah…
i know…
all these little…
small actions which i use to craft a day
reverberate in the time/space
beyond me
and ultimately
i cannot care too much
because if i see now as a space
that i can affect
i assume a space of most
prodigious intellect
and become responsible
for far too much
this is not
where i want to be-
isn’t that small tantrum
enough to change things?
and that is a problem
that i will find
any possible excuse
to avoid.
so let us twist up another
and give up a moment of silence
as we hide in this backroom
of this backwater establishment
and grumble about the doings
of the powerful
let us make merry
party and drink
wake up late and stay up long
for if we don’t
we might become the powerful ourselves
and that fate i’d rather not follow
better to sit crying in the rain
alone with these hidden wounds
tears spicing raindrops
slowly changing rivers
saline easing the transition
into the ocean
as soon as you stand to scream
you become an easy target
attention begets complications
and words are clumsy weapons
but i stand up proud
playing with fate
demanding attention
while attracting folly
graceful at times
stumbling more than a fair share
i like to become part of the metaphore
rather than a casual observer
and in the sea
watching, waiting faces
are all i have to observe
i wish you could see the background
i wish i could successfully transfer
all of the little bits and peices
that create this manuscript
i’m struggling to read and create
as a script of written existant life